Speak up!
Word of the week: Speak Up
Prior to our conversation:
Sarah had expectations of Paul knowing how she felt and her desires to remarry.
During our conversation:
Today, I talked with a client named Sarah. She has been dating a guy named Paul since July 2022. Sarah was once married and desires to marry again. When Sarah and Paul first started dating, they had a brief conversation. Neither of them shared their intentions regarding the relationship. Paul mentioned that he would like to marry again “one day.” Both, Sarah, and Paul have children and they have introduced their children to each other. The children like each other and get along very well. Sarah is starting to have second thoughts about continuing the relationship. She feels that her and Paul are growing apart.
Sarah admitted to not being fulfilled within the relationship. She would like for Paul to express his feelings to her. Letting her know what he wants from her and their relationship. Paul is oblivious to Sarah’s emotions.
I helped her to understand that unless she communicates to Paul, he will not know how she feels and what she wants from their relationship. Many people go into relationships assuming the other person will know everything they desire and all their expectations. That is unrealistic and just doesn’t happen. When there is a discussion, and a meeting of the mind’s things will go much better.
After our conversation:
Often, I will hear a woman say, “I don’t want to scare him away.” She isn’t willing to talk about her feelings because she thinks that will scare the guy away. Well, if it’s a first date, yeah it just might. However, if they’ve been dating at least four months, then no. Woman wait too long before speaking up! These same women walk away hurt and angry. Why are they so upset with the guy? He didn’t know her thoughts, feelings, and expectations.
Alright, lets change this up a bit. Let’s say Sarah and Paul have been dating for a year. Sarah decides to have a talk with Paul. She wants to know his thoughts on marriage to her. After the conversation Sarah realizes that Paul has no interest in marrying her. Although, he does want to marry again, just not with her. Sarah is now thinking she has wasted this past year with Paul. Had she spoken up sooner Sarah would have known much earlier.
Final thoughts:
It’s unfortunate, I see this all the time. Women fearful of speaking up because they believe the guy will leave. It’s true some men will leave, and some will stay. If he leaves that is a good thing because it will free up the person to be with someone who truly wants to be with them.
Many people don't speak up for themselves not just in relationships but in general. They just go around hoping things will somehow turn out the way they want them to. My grandma would often say "closed mouth doesn't get fed."
Have a GREAT week!
Rev. CQS